My musings on the mainstream media and culture.

Nasty Woman, Speak Up!

Nasty woman 16 tshirt

Today, I politely but firmly took on a woman on our neighborhood Nextdoor site. She was repeating the Trump/Fox News argument that because a small number of undocumented immigrants have committed violent crimes, then we need to keep them ALL out. I called her on this irrational argument.

And the whole time I was having this public discussion, a voice in my head kept saying, “Naomi, enough already. People are going to think you’re dogmatic and angry and they’re not going to like you. Why do you always have to be so vocal?”

I am tired of this voice.

I am tired of separating my Facebook friends into Best Friends and Acquaintance lists, and then only posting the political stuff so my Best Friends can see it. I’m tired of feeling hurt when people unfriend me and unfollow me because I express my opinions. Even as I write this post, I am remembering that certain people in my life might read this, and I worry that they will think less of me.

I am tired of this standard I have in my head of the Likeable Woman. The Likeable Woman smiles and helps others, and doesn’t have political signs on her lawn or bumper. She posts pictures of her dogs and kids on Facebook, and only posts opinions on Facebook with disclaimers like, “I rarely post my political opinions on Facebook, but…”

Most of the women in the world I care about and admire most are not anything like this Likeable Woman. Yet I realize that I hold myself to that standard. I tell myself that people would like me more if I would only keep quiet.

These days, though, I have been posting political opinions on Facebook for everyone to see, not just those on my Best Friends list. I am arguing with bigots on Nextdoor. I am blogging again, and taking on controversial topics.

Because these days, there’s too much at stake to be a Likeable Woman. These days, we need more Nasty Women.

Oh, and a few days ago, I submitted this post to a certain secret Facebook page that focuses on issues relating to women and marginalized people in the era of Donald Trump. (You all probably know what awesome Facebook page I’m talking about.) The submission was posted, and so far I’ve gotten about 1,200 supportive comments and 10K likes. So there you go.

Make the Pridelands Great Again: How Scar Overthrew the Kingdom By Mobilizing the Hyenas


Hey, antelope comrade, the system is rigged.


Once upon a time, there was a kingdom called the Pridelands, which was ruled by an elite group of lions. The lions, who represented a fraction of one percent of the kingdom’s population, controlled about 40 percent of the resources in the kingdom. They also frequently ate members of the middle class, like antelopes and elephants. This didn’t sit well with Simba, the bright young heir to the throne, so he asked his father King Mufasa why this seemingly oppressive practice was acceptable.

“It’s okay, Simba,” explained Mufasa. “It’s all part of the Circle of Life.”

“The Circle of Life?”

“Yes, son. You see, it may seem unfair. But when we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life. So, you see, Simba,” said Mufasa, “all lives matter.”

Simba was still skeptical. “But Dad,” he asked, “there are so many more of them than us. Why don’t they rise up and overthrow their oppressors?”

Mufasa laughed heartily. “You’re so funny, son!” he exclaimed. “Come, let’s go practice your pouncing skills on our humble and terrified servant Zazu.”

But there was one member of the lion elite who wasn’t so happy with the Circle of Life. That was Scar, the king’s brother. Scar was socially awkward and kind of funny-looking, so the other elite lions scoffed at him. And things were getting worse for Scar, because these days, the female lions were finally getting more power. There was talk of a young lioness named Nala becoming the leader someday, which enraged Scar, because his position in the lion patriarchy was the only thing that kept him feeling superior. On top of that, Nala wasn’t even a 10!

Unfortunately for the other lions — and for the kingdom as a whole — Scar was a sociopathic narcissist, so he devised a plan.  He started hanging out with the hyenas, who lived in an elephant graveyard that once housed manufacturing plants.  The jobs had moved to other lands, though, and the hyenas were poor, desperate, and despised by the rest of the Pridelands. In fact, disdain of the hyenas was one of the things that kept the middle class antelopes and elephants from overthrowing the lions, as they were easy scapegoats. “It’s the fault of those hyena scavengers!” cried the lions when resources were scarce, and the middle class animals believed them — and felt better about themselves because at least they weren’t as lowly as the hyenas.

Scar started holding rallies in the hyena lands. “If you help me become king,” he declared, “I’ll bring jobs back! Stick with me, and you’ll never go hungry again!”

“Hooray!” cried the hyenas.

“The lions want to make Nala the queen,” said Scar. “She’s the one responsible for the loss of your jobs because of trade deals she made with other lands.”

“Eat her up!” cried the hyenas.

“Ah,” said Scar below his breath, “I love the uneducated.”

So, with the help of the hyenas, Scar killed Mufasa and sent Simba into exile, and Nala returned to her inferior place in the patriarchal system. Unfortunately, Scar had no government experience or diplomatic skills, so the kingdom eroded into disarray. Of course, he abandoned his promises to the hyenas, who were as hungry and despised as ever.

We know how this story is supposed to end. Simba returns to the Pridelands and takes his “rightful” place as the king. Nala becomes his queen, and someday, she or another elite lioness might be the leader of the Pridelands.  The hyenas rebel against Scar and kill him, but after he takes over, Simba doesn’t provide anything better for them. The Circle of Life continues, and the elephants and antelopes continue to be dinner.

But maybe there’s an alternate ending. Maybe the antelopes will have some meetings, and start saying, “Hey! The system is rigged, and it’s the lions who are doing the rigging!” Maybe they’ll demand real change from the so-called Circle of Life. And maybe they’ll realize the hyenas are allies, not scapegoats, and maybe they’ll work side by side to create a truly democratic and egalitarian Pridelands.

Maybe. Or more than likely, the antelopes will go back to reality TV, Facebook, and other forms of Hakuna Matata. But maybe, just maybe, the antelopes and the hyenas will have their day.

A PBS NewsHour Fangirl Says Goodbye to Gwen Ifill


The degree to which we are PBS NewsHour fans is amusing. Also, kind of weird.

It’s not just that we’ve been watching NewsHour almost every night over dinner for the past decade, pressing the pause button every so often to discuss important points. It’s not just that we were celebratory when NewsHour Weekend began a few years ago, or that we get seriously excited when it’s time for Politics Monday or Shields & Brooks.

No, the true sign that I am a PBS NewsHour fangirl is that I have the NewsHour theme music as a ringtone on my phone. And, as a true fangirl, I need to clarify that my ringtone is of the old theme music. When they came out with the new music (which is really just a spiffed-up version of the old music), I literally felt sad. It just wasn’t the same.

There’s nothing on TV these days like the PBS NewsHour. In an era of so-called journalists screaming at each other and reporting about Twitter feeds on cable news, nothing comes close. NewsHour offers commercial-free, in-depth analysis that stands out in a medium dominated by sound bite coverage.  They report on all kinds of things that other outlets ignore, including an incredible amount of international news, and they offer thoughtful analysis by excellent commentators.

We love all the reporters on the NewsHour, and of course we refer to them by their first names, since we kind of feel like we know them by now. We love co-host Judy (Woodruff). We love weekend anchor Hari (Sreenivasan — aka the guy who is listed as my celebrity crush on my Yelp profile).

But hands down, co-anchor Gwen Ifill was our favorite. When our daughter was little, we used to point to the screen and say, “Look! Her name is Gwen too.” And our daughter would get excited and would say, “Good night, Gwen,” at the end of the broadcast. Because yes, we have our own Gwen. And no, she wasn’t named after Gwen Ifill. But I couldn’t think of a better honorary namesake for a young woman.

Because Gwen Ifill rocked. Her confidence radiated on the screen, as if it were no big deal to be part of the first all-woman co-anchor team in broadcast history, and as if it were no big deal to be a black woman in this role. Gwen was a middle-aged, larger black woman in a medium where none of those things are the least bit valued, and she owned it.

Like many of us, I’m sure that Gwen was excited about the possibility of the first female president. I wonder if at the end, she was holding on so that she could see that historic day. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to see this happen, Gwen. That makes the election results, and your death, all the more sad for me.

I learned that Gwen Ifill had died from a notification on my phone — the phone that plays the NewsHour theme music — and I burst into tears. Goodbye, Gwen. Thank you for making my household one of the most informed households on the block for this past decade. Our Gwen has literally grown up with you, and she will always remember you as an integral part of her childhood, eating dinner with her parents and learning about the world from a fabulous woman with the same name.  Thank you for being such a fabulous role model for our own Gwen. You will always be a legend in our family, and I will miss you with all my heart.

Mourning the New 9/11: An Open Letter to My Republican Friends

This is for my Republican friends — and specifically for those who voted for Donald Trump. More specifically, this is for those of you who are saying and wondering, “Why are they being so whiny after losing the election? We didn’t take to the streets when Obama was elected, right?”

I understand that Americans are doing a whole lot of speaking within their echo chambers right now — and I mean all of us, not just Republicans! We’re talking in completely different narratives about the election results — so much so that when we read conversations from the other side, the things we read might look completely foreign. So here’s my attempt to explain some of the feelings of despair and anger that you’ve been observing on social media and on the news and, perhaps, even in your real life conversations.

Republican friends: do you remember how you felt on 9/11?

I do, because I almost certainly felt the same way you did. Were you afraid for the future of your country? Did you feel angry and vulnerable? Did you feel a powerful sense of mourning — for the victims, but also because your country had been attacked viciously by people who meant to do great harm?

There were no echo chambers on 9/11 — at least not on that day. We all hurt and mourned together. I was sitting in the crowded cafeteria at the small college where I was teaching, and President Bush came on the screen to speak to the nation. There was total silence as we listened, the same way we would listen to a eulogy at a funeral of someone who had died tragically. I was no fan of that man, but in that moment, I was grateful to see him on the screen, offering us comfort in our mourning. There was comfort in knowing that we were united.

So imagine this, Republicans:

What if on 9/11, half of the nation was not mourning?

What if, on 9/11, half of the people you knew were saying the next day, “Get over it already! Why are we making such a big deal of this? It’s just some buildings. You’re all being childish and whiny.”

Presumably, you would have felt horrified. And moreover, the experience of 9/11 would have been so much worse for you, because so many of your fellow Americans were mocking the genuine feelings of mourning you felt.

So, Republicans, here’s where I ask you to step outside of your echo chamber and try to understand what many of your fellow Americans are feeling.

To us, the election of Donald Trump is nothing short of another 9/11. We strongly feel that a man has just gotten elected who has the capacity to do great harm to our nation and to  the most vulnerable among us. Like you, we are patriots, and for this reason, we mourn because our country is in serious danger. On 9/11, terrorists with the intent to harm America did just that — and based on what we saw in the election, we fear that Trump will do the same kind of harm.

That may be hard for you to wrap your head around, because I know you feel very differently about Trump. But if you’re genuinely wondering why people are reacting the way they are to the election, please try to understand what I’m saying.

Let me make this clear:  this is not how we would have felt if a different Republican had defeated Clinton, like Jeb Bush or Marco Rubio. I would have been pretty miserable if one of those men were the president elect. But I would not be in mourning. I would not be thinking seriously of going to a protest march in Washington the day after the election.  No, the reaction you see is specifically a reaction to Trump.

Why do so many Americans feel that the election of Trump is a danger to the well-being of America, and to many of our citizens personally? If you’re still reading, let me summarize some of the evidence we see that Trump is a dangerous man. I know very well that you see different things than I do in regards to Trump, but if you’re curious, these are some of my biggest concerns:

  • Trump has clear authoritarian tendencies, much like Hitler, Mussolini, Kim Jong-un, and Putin. Trump has manipulated those with economic and social fears by creating scapegoats out of Mexicans and Muslims.  (As a Jew, that scares the pants off of me.)  At his rallies and in the debates, he threatened to jail his opponent and said he would not concede the election.
  • Trump has no government experience whatsoever. None. Unlike most of the other Republican candidates, Trump offered very little information about his policy positions and plans. He is grossly unqualified for the most powerful position in the world.
  • Trump put antidemocratic restrictions on the press during his campaign (like literally corralling them into a pen during his rallies), and worked his followers into an anti-press frenzy at his rallies. He plans to place restrictions on the press during his presidency. I would hope that those of you who are staunch supporters of the Second Amendment are also strong supporters of the First Amendment, which guarantees us a free press.
  • As seen by his behavior on Twitter and elsewhere, Trump has a very thin skin and no self-control when he is criticized in any way. And now he has the nuclear codes.
  • Trump’s misogyny is very well-documented. He has bragged about how his celebrity gives him license to assault women. He bragged about being able to walk into the dressing room at his beauty pageants, and publicly humiliated a Miss Universe who gained weight. Many women have accused Donald Trump of sexual assault and harassment, including a 13-year-old girl.
  • Despite the fact that almost all scientists believe that climate change is an extinction-level danger to humanity, Trump has said that climate change is a hoax. If that’s not something to mourn about, I don’t know what is.
  • Trump has called for the ban on Muslims entering America and flat out lied about seeing television footage of Muslims in New Jersey cheering after 9/11. He has called Mexicans rapists and “bad hombres,” and has threatened to deport millions of people, including children. This kind of racism and xenophobia goes against my fundamental values. Oh, and he mocked a reporter with a disability.
  • Trump chose a vice presidential candidate who is one of the nation’s most outspoken opponents of LGBT rights — and that too goes against my fundamental values.
  • Trump is endorsed by the KKK and Putin.  That doesn’t scare you?
  • Trump has threatened to take away the health insurance of millions of people.
  • Trump has lied routinely about just about everything. Seriously. If you don’t like Clinton because you question her honesty, then how can you be okay with this record of lies? Moreover, he has routinely changed his position on many issues over the years when it suited his interests — including abortion, a position he changed to earn the votes of many Republicans this year.
  • Perhaps most frighteningly, since the election, there’s been a wave of violence since the election towards women, minorities, and LGBT individuals. That’s what many of us fear most. No, not all Trump supporters are bigots and sexual predators, but these behaviors have now been given state approval.

I know you will not agree with many of these positions, but I hope you can understand. Like you, I am a patriot. I love this country and the people who live here, and I believe this country is in danger. I am in mourning, just like I felt after 9/11, and so are many of your fellow Americans. And our sense of mourning is even more painful because so many people in our lives are telling us to get over it.

So, when you see people on the news who are protesting on the streets, or expressing their feelings on Facebook, or sobbing at your upcoming Thanksgiving dinner, please try to be understanding. You wouldn’t have told people on 9/12/2001 to stop whining or to get over it, right?

Merry Capitalismas, or, What if They Sold Christmas Decorations All Year Long?

It's Christmas at Kohl's!

It’s Christmas at Kohl’s!

Ho ho ho! It’s Christmas at Kohl’s! Never mind that I took this picture on September 14. Merry Christmas to all, or at least, Merry Capitalismas!

As a culture, pretty much everyone complains that ever year, Christmas decorations appear earlier and earlier in stores. All are in agreement, from the religious Christian to the Christmas-avoiding atheist to the hardcore Black Friday enthusiast to the last-minute shopper. September 14 is too early for a Santa Claus display. If we’re still wearing shorts, and we’re in the Northern Hemisphere, it’s not time for Christmas!

But this makes me think. Maybe it’s a lost cause. In the hypercapitalistic U.S.A., nothing sells better than Christmas. Maybe we have no choice but to embrace a day when Kohl’s has Christmas on display 365 days per year. I mean, hey, nobody knows for sure when Jesus was really born, right? In fact, to save merchandisers’ time, I’d like to offer some suggestions for year-round Christmas ideas.

Christmas on Halloween

Think of all the costume possibilities. Santa, reindeer, wise men, elves, Mrs. Claus. (Of course, there would have to be Sexy Elves and sexy Mrs. Claus, although probably not sexy Wise Men.) Also, the Halloween candy possibilities would multiply. Wouldn’t it be fun to hand out candy canes to trick or treaters?

Christmas on the 4th of July

Santa is already wearing red. He could just as easily wear red, white, and blue, and hand out patriotic candy canes. Let freedom ring—and jingle!

Christmas on Easter

Kind of confusing from a spiritual point of view. But genius from a candy point of view. Christmas Peeps! Christmas jelly beans!

Christmas on Valentine’s Day

It would be easy to add green to red heart-shaped boxes of candy. And mistletoe sales would go through the roof.  Also, couples could have fun playing “naughty or nice” and “sit on Santa’s lap.”

Christmas on Groundhog Day

Who needs a silly groundhog when you have beloved Rudolph? If Rudolph sees his shadow, it’s six more weeks of winter. On second thought, maybe we should choose one of the reindeer without a light-up nose for this task.

Christmas on New Year’s

Now that Dick Clark has passed away, who better to host the Times Square ball drop than Santa? And on New Year’s Day, what better way to start off the New Year than with sales for next Christmas?

Christmas on Leap Day

What’s better than Christmas 365 days of the year? Christmas 366 days of the year!

Christmas on Passover

Even more confusing from a spiritual point of view. But they have Kosher-for-Passover everything these days, so why not a Kosher-for-Passover candy cane?  Why not four glasses of egg nog instead of four glasses of wine? And while children leave a cup out for Elijah, they could also leave Kosher macaroons for Santa.

Christmas on Christmas

What better day to start selling next year’s Christmas merchandise than on this year’s Christmas? In fact, the stores could do one better and start selling stuff for Christmas three years from now on Christmas. Or five years from now. Heck, you could finish your Christmas 2023 shopping by December 28 of this year.

Please feel free to add your merchandising ideas below!

Thanks to Kathryn Shanahan for inspiring this blog post!

Is Pinterest the New Backlash Against Women?


Don't have a back-to-school ruler wreath? You must be one of those moms with "other priorities."

Don’t have a back-to-school ruler wreath? You must be one of those moms with “other priorities.”

Ah, Pinterest. It’s the popular social media site where you can “pin” links to whatever it is that interests you. For many people, that means crafts. And for some people out there—primarily moms —Pinterest is the place to pin your ideas for Competitive Mom Crafting.

And what is Competitive Mom Crafting? It’s sending your daughter to Girl Scouts with (organic, gluten-free) cupcakes that are perfectly stylized into ladybugs when it’s your turn for snacks—even though the other moms just send Oreos. It’s creating a back-to-school ruler wreath for your front door, or better yet, making a personalized one as a back-to-school gift for your child’s teacher—even though nobody else gives the teacher a back-to-school gift. It’s spending weeks wrapping your holiday present so that your coordinating bows and wrapping paper are all at perfect right angles—even though the people who give you presents just throw everything into 99-cent gift bags. And it’s about scrapbooking. Scrapbooking everything.

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being crafty. Far from it. We all need a creative outlet, and making nifty cupcakes and scrapbooks is creative. Craft projects are a source of fun and relaxation for many people, and a way of spending time with kids. It’s the equivalent of me writing blog entries as a creative outlet.

The problem with craftiness is when it becomes competitive—and especially when this competitiveness is tied up in motherhood. Because for some moms, decking your children’s lives out with fabulous DYI stuff is the way to show that you are a Good Mom. Look how much time you put into making a beautiful life for your family! And those other moms, who don’t scrapbook and send their kids to lunch with ordinary, gluten-laden sandwiches? Well, those moms must just have other priorities, huh?

So these days, moms have a whole new category of ways to feel inadequate. These days, Pinterest and the new world of Competitive Mom Crafting is the new backlash against women, and especially mothers.

Backlash refers to cultural trends that function as a way to reduce the empowerment of women in an era when women have increased power. Things are by no means perfect for women in 2014. However, compared to half a century ago, women have far more power in the working world, in government, under the law, and under the dictates of social norms.

A backlash is a trend that functions to counterbalance women’s power and tells them to “get back!” Susan Faludi coined the term in 1991 in Backlash: The Undeclared War Against Women. The backlash Faludi wrote about largely was the frenzy of media reports at the time about women who were allegedly failing miserably at “having it all.” According to the media, these women were dealing with a fertility crisis, a man-shortage, and a general sense of malaise—all as a result of trying to be successful in a man’s world.

Similarly, in The Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty are Used Against Women (1992), Naomi Wolf argued that the pressure on women to conform to increasingly unrealistic beauty images also serves as a backlash. While women have always felt pressure to be beautiful, the standards of beauty and thinness have increased exponentially—at the same time that women have gained other kinds of power in society.

The current pressure to be a fabulous crafter is yet another backlash against women’s power. Because now it’s not enough to have a career and a family and a home. Now you have to do it all, and have everything beautified with your fabulous craft projects. If you don’t have the time, or the money, or the talent to make a back-to-school wreath, well, just look at all those moms on Pinterest who do!

And that’s the thing about the backlash. It’s all about upping the ante on the long list of things that women are expected to do well. Years ago, women felt enormous pressure to be excellent homemakers. But the ante was relatively low. Sure, they felt pressure for everything to be so clean that you could eat off the carpet. But they didn’t feel pressure to make an array of fabulous back-to-school decorations and other time-consuming craft projects. Now that women have far less time to keep their houses clean—which we’re still expected to do—we have more pressure to spend our valuable time filling our meticulously clean homes with lovely crafts.

It’s the same with food too. Although I’m grateful that we’re more health-conscious than we were half a century ago, the downside is that the pressure on women to create beautiful, healthy meals has skyrocketed. Back in the 1950s, there was lots of pressure on women to be great cooks. But what it meant to be a “great cook” was a whole lot easier than it is today. It’s not that hard to make a pot roast, and it’s not hard to slap together tasty meals out of the processed ingredients that we scorn today. But now, we’re expected to come home and make meals made with ingredients we’ve so carefully shopped for that are “clean” and “whole” and organic and unprocessed and gluten-free and GMO-free and so on. We don’t send our kids to school with bologna and cheese on Wonder Bread anymore. We send them with elaborate Bento boxes.

We can’t possibly be fabulous at everything. Career, family, beauty, housekeeping, cooking, crafting—who can possibly be the master of all of this? As women gain power in society, this list keeps growing, and it becomes harder to meet the standards of any one of these things. As a result, some women feel insecure about themselves, and other women pit themselves against each other to be the single most fabulous superwoman on the block. Both of those trends take away from the power of women to be confident, successful allies—and therefore, it’s a backlash.

My thanks to Julie from Perfect Whole and the other awesome moms who inspired this post through their discussion on Facebook!



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