Naomusings

My musings on the mainstream media and culture.

Gay Marriage: An Appeal to Those Who Oppose on Religious Grounds

No Pumpkin

So I realize that most people who oppose gay marriage do so because of their religious beliefs. If this is indeed what you believe, I appeal to you to consider this argument.

Imagine that you are living in the United States of America.  Currently, in the U.S., the majority of people are Christians.  But let’s say that something entirely unexpected happens, and the majority of Americans convert to a religion called Fundamentalist Jibberjabberism.

Now let’s say that although the majority of Americans become Fundamentalist Jibberjabberists, you do not convert.  You are a Christian.  When the mass conversion happens, you are nervous.  However, you remind yourself that the United States is a secular nation governed by a secular Constitution, and that religious minorities like yourself are protected.

Things seem to be going well for awhile.  You continue to go to church and to worship just as you always have.  Then a disturbing development happens.  A week before Thanksgiving, pumpkins become illegal because pumpkins are considered sacrilegious in the Jibberjabberist religion.  You can no longer have a traditional Thanksgiving pumpkin pie.

You go to your Congressperson to complain.  You explain that you respect the fact that the majority of your fellow Americans do not eat pumpkins.  As a religious minority, you expect that it may be difficult to find pumpkins served at restaurants or possibly even at grocery stores.  But  illegal?  “I am not a Jibberjabberist,” you explain.  “Pumpkin does not go against my religious beliefs, and in fact, pumpkin pie is an important part of my family’s Thanksgiving dinner tradition.”

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DoILikeYou.com: Are We Moving Towards “Rank a Human Being” Websites?

Sadistic entrepreneurial idea of the day:  DoILikeYou.com.

Here’s how it would work.  DoILIkeYou.com would be just like anonymous teacher evaluation websites like Rate My Professors.com, or anonymous doctor evaluation websites like Healthgrades.com.  These websites allow students and patients to post feedback about professors and doctors, presumably to help others make a better informed decision about what political science class or orthopedic surgeon to avoid.

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TLC, Catholic Church Team Up for “Who Wants to Be the Next Pope?”

Vatican City — Faced with accusations that they are “out of touch” with modern life, the Catholic Church has decided to take a drastic step to become more relevant:  reality TV.

With the surprise retirement of Pope Benedict XIV, the Church finds itself in the unenviable position of having to name the second new pope in less than a decade.  The solution?  A joint reality TV venture between TLC and the Catholic Church called “Who Wants to Be the Next Pope?”

At this early date, the format of “Who Wants to Be the Next Pope?” is under discussion.  One proposal:  every week, contestants will get acquainted with Vatican officials.  At the end of the week, the favorite contestants will be asked to stay at an elimination ceremony with the tagline, “Cardinal, will you accept this rosary?”

Also unclear at this time:  who will be the host of “Who Wants to Be the Next Pope?”  A worldwide search for talented Catholics is underway, with an early list of frontrunners that includes Stephen Colbert, Paul Ryan, Madonna, an assortment of telenovela stars, and pretty much everybody from the Kennedy family.

Critics are already accusing TLC of reaching a new low of tacky, scandalous television that has the potential to offend over a billion believers worldwide.  Network executive Brad O’Malley, an Irish Catholic, countered these claims.  “We realize that this show might be pushing the envelope a little,” said O’Malley.  “But if people are offended, they don’t have to watch. Just like they don’t have to watch Toddlers and Tiaras, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, Hoarders, and our many shows about little people and conjoined twins.”

“Here at TLC,” said O’Malley, “we’re always looking for reality shows that viewers never in a million years thought that anyone would ever put on TV.  That’s why we’re called The Learning Channel.”

The Holy Ghost, who is usually a key participant when choosing a new pope, has already declined TLC’s offer to participate in the program.

Naming Snowstorms: How Much Longer Until They’re Corporate Branded?

nemo

So now we’re naming snowstorms? Really?  Thumbs down to The Weather Channel for the nonsense.  Or, if you’re really into marketing and think it’s brilliant that a TV station devoted to the weather has now turned snowstorms into branded Media Events, thumbs up.

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Stereotypes: Where’s the Line Between Offensive and Multicultural?

Cam Tucker and his daughter Lily from Modern Family

Cam Tucker and his daughter Lily from Modern Family

So when it comes to media representations, where’s the line between (a) humorous glimpses into a multicultural world and (b) offensive, hateful generalizations about marginalized groups? Can humor about a marginalized group actually be a healthy way of promoting diversity?

An offensive, stereotypical  "pickaninny" image of black children, popular in early 20th century ads.

An offensive, stereotypical “picaninny” image of a black child, popular in early 20th century ads.

Clearly, stereotypes can be dangerous because at their worst, they provide “evidence” that a marginalized group of people is inferior, therefore justifying the marginalization. In Nazi Germany, stereotypes about Jews were used as justification for discrimination and eventually for concentration camps. In the United States, D.W. Griffith’s 1915 epic silent film (and Ku Klux Klan propaganda piece) Birth of a Nation promoted stereotypes than African-American men were dangerous, corrupt rapists and thieves. These attitudes fueled the “need” for Jim Crow laws and other forms of racial discrimination.

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Celebrity Diving, and Some Even Dumber Ideas for Celebrity Reality TV Shows

splash

Like most Americans, I indulge in mindless reality TV now and then, but I’ve never gotten into the “celebrity reality TV” genre, other knows as “celebreality.”   I don’t understand why people enjoy watching 1980s has-been celebrities and other D-listers desperately grasping for one last 15 minutes of fame.  So when I heard about ABC’s upcoming celebrity high-diving show, I thought it was a joke.  It’s not.  The show is called “Splash,” and it’s coming in March.

This seems like a really, really bad idea to me, because (1) unlike dancing, cooking, and other competitive tasks attempted by celebrities on reality TV shows, high diving is actually pretty dangerous, and (2) does anyone out there actually care if Kendra Wilkinson, former girlfriend of Hugh Hefner, can dive?

I can only imagine the depth to which the celebrity reality TV genre might sink.  At what point, are you going to see the following competitions?

  • Celebrity Historical Reenactment.  Want to see Bret Michaels, Gary Busey, and other washed-up celebrities reenact the Civil War?  Me either, but if the History Channel gets desperate for ratings, maybe they should give this a try.
  • Celebrity Toddlers and Tiaras.  Let’s see what happens when celebrity moms parade their little girls around in these pageants.  Maybe Kim and Kanye could enter their baby, because, hey, wouldn’t you like to see Kim and Mama June go at it?
  • Celebrity Hoarders.  You think the original show is creepy?  Let’s find some hoarders with millions of dollars.
  • Celebrity Ice Road Truckers.  Yes, Ice Road Truckers was actually a show about truck drivers riding around in Arctic conditions.  Can you totally imagine this as a celebrity competition show?  Maybe Ricki Lake will sign up.
  • Celebrity Human Wrecking Balls. Yep, Human Wrecking Balls is a real show too, which basically features a couple of big guys who destroy boats and cars and things with their bare hands.  This may be the perfect venue for Christina Aguilera.
  • Celebrity “I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant.” Sadly, I Didn’t Know I was Pregnant is a real show as well (and sadly, one that I’ve actually watched) in which women reenact the night gave birth to a child they somehow didn’t know was in there.  This would be harder to orchestrate as a celebrity reality competition show, but I’m sure the geniuses at TLC could figure out how to make this happen.
  • Celebrity Extreme Couponing. Not for Gucci bags and designer duds, but for the same American cheese wedges and Tic Tacs that everyday people shop for with their piles of coupons.  If they make this into a couples contest, I can totally see Heidi and Spencer signing up.
  • Celebrity Dog Whisperer.  I don’t know which way this show should go.  Should Cesar Millan attempt to tame the dogs of celebrities?  Or should celebrities compete for America’s Next Top Celebrity Dog Whisperer?  The latter would certainly allow for some interesting weekly competitions.

If you have other ideas, I (and the rest of the viewing public) would love to hear them!

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